E-bikes and Earbuds

Batteries locked in place, head and taillights charged, gloves worn, Bluetooth Sena helmets working and communicating, earbuds in, bladders empty — and the Mitchells are ready for an e-bike ride.

“I’ll lead,” I say into the audio mic in the helmet. “You can count on my skills.”

“I’m not going to have to count too high,” I hear Cheryl say through the helmet speakers.

Does Sena make a snarkiness filter for these helmets I wondered?

Cheryl set her phone to an audio book which she hears through her ear buds. My phone is Bluetoothing into my ear buds a music file of my song favorites.

Now I have noticed, and I think that it can be scientifically proven, that your body’s walking tempo will always match the tempo of whatever melody is playing in your head. (Although, we did have a few people who were exceptions in our high school marching band.) It is for this reason that I lead while listening to music which gives me a pedaling tempo.

Now, the optimum music for a bike is written with a tempo of 4/4, 2/4, or 6/8 with a metronome tempo of around 112 beats per minute. I had plenty of songs in my favorites catalog which fit the bill. I had forgotten that the phone was shuffling the songs and picking them in a random order.

We took off down the road with Cheryl following 15 feet behind me. The first four pulsating rock songs were perfect bike pedaling tempos. Suddenly, the Beatle’s Get Back came on. The song tempo immediately jumped from 112 to 123 beats per minute. My brain automatically changed the pedaling tempo to match the song and I sped away from my wife.

“This isn’t a race you know!” I heard her shout through my helmet speakers. “Enjoy the scenery.” She pedaled faster to match my speed.

At the end of Get Back, my phone again shuffled and up popped Stairway to Heaven with a tempo of 82 beats per minute. Slowing from 123 to 82 pedals per minute, Cheryl, who was not paying attention, nearly rear-ended my bike. Screaming something about an unintelligent donkey, her bike shot around me.

After that followed three more songs at 112 and I again took the lead. This was followed by a Lawrence Welk number which caused me to pedal with a left, and a right, and a seat bounce in that sequence, over and over.

“What is going on now?” she asked.

“Sorry dear, it’s a waltz. It will be over in a moment.”

The shuffler was dredging up all the music that I had completely forgotten was in the saved favorites file. What followed next was pedal front, pedal back, clap, clap, clap. Cheryl, who is very proficient in dance, got it right away.

“Cha-Cha?”

She nailed it. She is also very good at charades. What confused her was the next song. She watched as my butt wiggled back and forth on the bike seat while my arms and hands failed in the air.

“Bees? Flies? Mosquitoes? What is it?”

“It’s a Mambo beat dear. You should try it.”

“Is it possible for you to be any more annoying?”

Well, yes it was. What popped up next was one of my favorites from the college stage band days of the 70s. The artist was Don Ellis. He wrote and performed with his big band, songs in time signatures of 7/4, 19/8, and 27/16. The song was called Pussy Wiggle Stomp. I pulled over to the side of the road and got off the bike. Cheryl pulled up behind me and stopped.

“What?” she asked with a hint of irritation in her voice.

“I’m sorry. I can’t peddle to Don Ellis.”

“Give me your phone!” she demanded. She brought up a different app.

Humph! I hate it when she takes my phone. I must admit though, the ride was a lot smoother as I listened to the Louise Penny audiobook.

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