Sideburns

My best friend, Chuck, and I stood in front of the mirror in the Music building’s Men’s Restroom.

“At the rate these sideburns are growing out, we are going to be out of high school before we get a good set,” I bemoaned.

“Life isn’t all about sideburns,” Chuck said. “Maybe we should consider mustaches.”

“What’s the matter with my mustache?” I asked.

Chuck stared a little too long at my upper lip. “That’s a mustache? I know a girl on the stage crew who has a better mustache than that. I’m surprised she’s not waxing it yet.”

It was difficult being a sophomore boy growing into the latest fads – sideburns, beards, mustaches. I mean some boys had it in their genetics and the facial hair came without effort. For the rest of us, we had to be creative.

Moms are so helpful. For my senior graduation party, she bought me a real hair, Tom Selleck mustache which I applied with spirit gum and made me look dashing for one night.

So, what in history happened that created the sideburn fad?

In the 50s, men were ruining their pillow slips with Brylcreem or pomade and combing their hair into the Rockabilly pompadour hairstyle made famous by Elvis and James Dean. This hairstyle can be seen in the John Travolta movie, Grease. For the most part, the sideburns were trimmed to mid-ear length and close to the side of the head.

Then in the early 60s came the Beatles with the mop-top look. I assume that Elvis thought that he needed to change his image, so he came out with the “sideburns-gone-rogue” look.

This, of course, was influencing the look of the nation’s young men much the same as Farrah Fawcett and Jennifer Aniston’s hair styles influenced the nation’s women.

The next influencer who adopted the Elvis sideburn look was Michael Nesmith from the Monkeys TV and record fame.

Then, as the 60s grew closer to the 70s, there was the Vietnam War and Hippies influencing the musical styles of all genres with long hair, beards, and sideburns of epic proportions. High school and college age boys around the US attempted to acquire the same look. It soon became the norm to see long hair and shaggy sideburns around the campuses.

And yet, try as we might, Chuck and I were unable to grow satisfactory sets of sideburns. It was embarrassing to be a sophomore.

Not so for the boys who were changing the look of our high school, those boys who were blessed with the genetics of facial hair. Now the cool guys at school had long hair and bushy sideburns. Some with genetic abnormalities had nice mustaches and the need to shave their beards daily.

That was a small minority of the boys in our school though. Most were like Chuck and me. Oh, there were hairs trying to grow, but not a full crop. Not a full, thick, luxuriously dense crop. More like a corn crop in a drought.

We envied those boys who could show off their masculine sideburns. They were the He-men of the high school. It was obvious to the student body, who had the greater amounts of testosterone and who did not.

And so, Chuck and I suffered through our high school years. Had it not been for my fake Tom Selleck mustache and a pair of Brillo Pads for sideburns, I may never have found a date for the senior prom.

Then something unexpected happened in my 20s, a mere eight years later, I finally got my real mustache, sideburns, and long hair. Finally cool and nobody cared. I wore them well for at least ten years.

And then, from my mom’s side, (I call them the Martin genes), something started happening; my hairline began to creep higher and higher up my forehead. My sideburns and mustache turned gray to the point that they didn’t stand out, so I shaved them off. What was left of the hair on top of my head, I shaved off also. And just like Cinderella at midnight, my carriage head turned back into a pumpkin.

Recently, we had a 50th class reunion. Gone were most of the mustaches and bushy sideburns. The only shoulder-length hair was now found on the women.

Chuck and I stood together. Two old, aged friends. We stared across the room at the only person still sporting a decent looking mustache.

“How about that girl from the stage crew,” Chuck whispered. “By the way, I love your sideburns.”

“Thanks,” I said. “You can’t believe how itchy these Brillo Pads are.”

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