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Satire Stories

A Boy’s Guide to Surviving a Tolo Dance

As far as I can tell, there are two groups of boys in high school: those who are comfortable with girls and those who are terrified of them. I personally, though not being afraid of girls, was still of the elementary school mindset that they were icky. As far as I was concerned, life in high school would have been far less stressful without two of the annual school sanctioned activities: Prom and Tolo.

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Satire Stories

Check Lists

“Seat belts on; Doors locked; Brakes set; Circuit breakers in; Fuel selector valve on both.”

Four of us were sitting in a Cessna 172 at the parking area of the Roche Harbor Resort airstrip preparing to depart.

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Satire Stories

The Ten Commandments of Downhill Skiing

Thou shalt not sit down on T- Bars

For you first time users, T-Bars like rope tows are a means of pulling you to the top of the hill. You must first stand in an interminable line of skiers watching the skiers at the head of the line move into position where the attendant slaps them on the rear end with a T-bar as it comes around. To the first-timer watching the process, it all seems very straight forward. The cable with the T-bar comes around the bullwheel, the attendant slaps you in the hips with the bar and up the hill you go. What you may not know is that the T-bar cable is on a retractable reel and must feed all the way out before it catches and starts pulling you up the slope. It came as a bit of a surprise to me, a first-timer, when I skied into position. I felt the attendant slap my hips with the bar, which I assumed I could sit on.  The result was a rather unglamorous flop onto my back in the snow as the cable continued to feed out of the retractable reel. Then, when the full length of cable had retracted, the T-bar shot up the hill, raking down the back of my legs, slapping the skis off my boots and causing raucous laughter from the interminable line of skiers behind me.

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Inspirational Stories

Choices

Isaac Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion is: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I have been known to be a grouch at times, maybe even a curmudgeon or as my kids likes to call me, Debbie Downer. I tend to pessimistically see the glass as half empty.

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Inspirational Stories

I Have Been Blessed

I have been blessed.

I have been given a job and an income my whole life.

I have been given a strong body and health.

I have been given a family who loves me and grandchildren to love.

I have been given friends who have stayed close through the years.

I have been given all that I need: food, clothing, vehicles, and a warm home.

I have been given talents: music, writing, creating.

I have been given assurance of everlasting life.

Though I may go through great trials, I have been given the assurance that I will wake up the next day and in all the days of my life, God will not once leave me.

And yet, I am a shell. I am absolutely nothing.

I am only what God has given me and what he has made me.

To God be the glory!

Faith Family Life Getting Older Growing Up Misadventures Music Patriotism Pets or Pests? Snips Tributes

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Categories
Inspirational Stories

The Journey

A wonderful, Godly, woman friend of mine shared with me a message she had received in a deep conversation with her Lord. She was asking for guidance in a situation which was causing her much heartache. She pleaded with the Lord to guide her down the right path. God’s Holy Spirit came to her during this time of deep prayer. He opened her eyes to the reality that God was not just guiding her down a path.

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Satire Stories

Screech Owls

Sometimes the best laid plans work too well.

The Screech Owl- Scientific name: Megascops asio. We had many of these smaller owls in our neighborhood. The first 30 years of my life I lived in a house close to the main railroad tracks which stretched from Vancouver, B.C. down the west coast of the United States. We had so many trains travel by daily that we didn’t even notice the noise anymore. The tracks followed the top of a cliff which dropped 100+ feet down to Bellingham Bay. The sides of the cliff had layers of sand and clay. During the summer months, the Angel boys across the street (Craig and Doug) and my brother and I would spend endless hours climbing the cliffs, jumping from the cliffs, and using trails on the cliffs as the shortest distance to travel to explore the beach itself.

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Inspirational Stories

The Personalized 23rd

The Lord Jesus is my shepherd. I lack for nothing!

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He gives me rest and he restores my soul.

He guides me on the paths of righteousness that I might make him proud.

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Inspirational Stories

The Shadow Board

Do you ever feel underused by God? Like everyone else is being used in mighty ways and your job is to sit and watch.

“What’s the matter with me? Why don’t I get the gifts?” you ask.

Ah, but there is only one “you” and what God has given you is extremely specific and to be used in a specific way when he needs it.

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Satire Stories

Patent Idea #295- Reject

This was the scene last Saturday morning. I was lying in the middle of the Guide Meridian, motorcycle helmet and protective coveralls on. Slowly I was able to get up on my hands and knees and crawl back over to the side walk.

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Inspirational Stories

A Tribute to Milton

2009-2020

My granddog, Milton Barry and I walked through the tall grass to a hilly knoll overlooking the ocean. He wasn’t walking as fast in his old age, but he didn’t mind the walk together. As the afternoon sun was setting, we sat together and I laid my hand on his back.

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Satire Stories

Things Never to Do: #1 & #2

Never, never, ever use Rogaine ™ that has gone beyond its expiration date.

Ah nuts!
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Satire Stories

Chair Lifts

Snow skiing ranks quite high on my list of humiliations and though, through the years I have impressed others with an innate ability to humiliate myself continuously on the ski slopes, last year’s little incident which I call, “the getting to know you ride,” sums up my life on the slopes.

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Satire Stories

The Fallout Team

Actually the idea should have worked. The premise was this: “The Fall Out Team”, namely Neutron (me), Atom (Myron Voth), Proton (John Zylstra), and Electron (Rex Ely) were highlighted as possibly showing up at a high school rally of 800 kids in the Seattle area.

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Satire Stories

Circus Boy

When moms have their first born child they tend to want to try out every thing they learned in High School home economics class. In my case, how to sew a circus jacket. All I really wanted to do was to run around the yard and chase the cat with a stick. So we struck up a bargain; if she could sew me suits, I could chase that cat around the yard with a stick. This agreement continued up until I graduated from high school.