I kid you not! Some of the most embarrassing moments in my life have happened when I was in possession of a watermelon.
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Watermelons
Category: Satire Stories
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Larry
His name is Larry. Don’t ask me how I know, I just know. Larry got the short straw when he drew my name and so far, he has been regretting it for 68 years. You see, Larry is my guardian angel.
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Gumball Game
Winner defined: Not me.
Normally I am not what you would call the definition of a winner, in the sense that I have been playing the lotto for 40 years and I still have nothing to show for it.
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Sarcopenia
The 67-year-old man walked casually into the gym carefully checking out the competition. That day there were several high school age boys and girls, senior women who had just finished their aerobics class, and middle-aged warriors working different pieces of equipment.
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Oh Deer, What Could the Matter Be?
Listen my children and you shall hear of the afternoon ride of Bucky the Deer. Do not turn aside and say, “Grampa is aged,” for I’ve heard that enough from my Progressive agent. Think of this tale and the facts thereof, as a warning to the perils of being in love. . .
After the embarrassing little roof incident where Taylor got a good chewing out by Nel and Greg got a black eye, it was decided that they would take Jason’s advice and seek out his friend Jen for proper training in rope rappelling. This was done without Nel’s knowledge.
It was a hot, dry summer day and Taylor was sitting in his Adirondack chair in the shade of the east side of the store. It was his second break of the day, and his wife Nel was inside helping customers. In his hand he held a can of Cola, and another sat in a cooler by his feet. As usual at this time of day, he heard the crunching of feet on gravel walking his way. He lifted the bill on his Ranger cap and looked up the road.
The Lake Erie Grocery had just reached its 100th anniversary. It was considered a historic building by the state of Washington and its ownership had been passed through several families since it had been built. Located 5 miles from the closest town of Anacortes, Washington, the grocery sat in Erie Valley on the shore of Lake Erie. Towering 1273′ beside it, like a sleeping giant made of feldspar and diorite, was the bald face of Mt. Erie.
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Stories From Photos
In the early 1920s a phrase was coined which stated, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” That being the case I started thinking, “Maybe my audience includes story writers who don’t know they can write stories.” So here is my idea, I’ll post some photos and you make up your own stories of what you think happened in each photo. Then I will tell you the real story behind the photo. We’ll compare your creativity with the truth. This will save me a great deal of time that I would otherwise have had to put out for this week’s blog post. It seems like a simple exercise; let’s try it.
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Going Solo
Going solo can either be a moment of triumph or of terror. It all depends on how prepared you are when it happens.
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The Plague
My wife, Cheryl, once retired, decided after a period of time that she would like to have extra spending money. Though there were other options for jobs, we would notice that every time we drove into town there would be a school bus parked on the lawn of the middle school with a banner hung on its side saying, School Bus Drivers Needed, Will Train.
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Avatars
“Okay Mr. Mitchell, step right over here and I will lower the screen.”
“Thank you, L-A,” I said while trying figure out the name on her badge.
“It’s pronounced, Ladasha,” she corrected, like I didn’t know anything.
L-A was a Walgreens employee who worked in the photo department. I’m not sure how old she was but with her dyed hair, tattoos, and studs, I figured her to be around twenty. Her face was bright red from freckles, and she stood no more than 4’6″.
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Crossing the Line
I wasn’t aware that this day would come. It wasn’t on my radar as something to watch out for, but it happened. I crossed the line. Today I had my annual wellness physical and was given the Medicare Well Visit Questionnaire to fill out.
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The Paperboy
My saddle bags were full as I rode slowly down the graveled lane. Beneath me I could hear the ever-present clip, clip, clip, clip. The old girl was due for a check-up.
This was the area of the ambushes. They were happening almost daily now. I lowered my hand and felt the cold steel of my gun butt. It gave me little confidence.
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Signs and Wonders
I have been asked by many of my readers, “When are you going to put all of your stories into a book? I’d buy one.”