The Scar

“On December 29th, 1973, I took my girlfriend along with 15 kids from two church youth groups to the Mt. Baker Ski Area for a day of inner tube sliding in the snow. After lunch I took the group to a hill outside of the ski area. It was a hill which we had nicknamed ‘Deadman’s Run’ for its length and steepness.

“I went down first, then another buddy. The speed downhill through the powdered snow was so fast that the inner tubes would leave the surface and fly.

“Next, my girlfriend slid down from the top of the hill as I captured her with my movie camera. For an unexplainable reason, her inner tube left the run that our tubes had previously made. Her tube rotated so that she was facing headfirst down the hill. As everyone watched, she slid with incredible speed into the trunk of a fir tree and was killed.”

“Yes, I know this, Marty.”

I was sitting with my counselor.

“So, I believe that I have PTSD.”

“Yes, I believe you do. I see that you have a scar on your forehead. How did you get that?”

“I marked myself when she died. It’s for irresponsibility, regret. I’ve had it for 50 years.”

“Irresponsibility, regret? What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean it was my responsibility to bring her home alive to her family. It was my fault that we went tubing on that hill. It was because of my irresponsibility that she died. I think of all that she could have accomplished with her life. I think of all the life events that she has missed with her family. Her accident was my biggest mistake which I see every day and carry on my shoulders.”

“I see. So, you believe that you hold the sole responsibility for her accident even though there were fifteen other friends with her at the top of the hill who loved her also?

Let me ask you a question, is God sovereign?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Do you believe that the Father is the controller of all things? Do you believe that he knew you before he created you and he knows what your life will be and how long it will last? Do you think that the Father is caught by surprise by anything?”

“But she died so young. She should have had a full lifetime to glorify God.”

“What is a lifetime to glorify God? Just because a person does not live to the age of 90, does not mean that they have not lived the full life that the Father had for them. Believe me when I tell you that the Father knew her life completely. Though she was young when she was taken home, she was never once out of the Fathers hands and his control. There is always a plan and a purpose, there are never mistakes. Her life to that point, and her passing, pointed more lives toward God than you will ever know.

“What you need to realize is that yes, you were with her on the mountain and yes you brought her there. But it was the Father’s plan that her life and ministry on earth was done. If you remember, the events following her accident were supernatural. The Father allowed you to see and feel this to know that he was there. As she stood before him in the Kingdom, I can assure you that he honored her before the multitudes by saying, ‘Well done faithful servant, well done!’”

My counselor then said, “Stop blaming yourself. Rejoice that you were part of her life. Rejoice that you can see how her ministry has lasted even to this day. Don’t carry that scar on your forehead anymore. It’s not something that I want you to have.”

Having said that, he placed his nail scarred hand on my forehead and when he removed it, the scar was gone.

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