Cow Tipping

Cow tipping is nothing about slipping a cow a $5.00 bill after a nice fresh glass of milk.

The term Cow Tipping is an urban legend thought to have been started sometime in the 1970s. It involved going out at night and searching the farmlands to find a cow that was sleeping standing up. (This was usually done by inebriated high school, or college age boys.) The legend has it that two or more boys snuck up to a slumbering cow and pushed it from the side causing the cow to topple over onto the ground.

In reality, cows are light sleepers and are very aware of what is around the herd and will awaken and move if inebriated boys get too close. It has also been proven by a group from the University of British Columbia that a cow will most likely widen its stance when it is spooked which would require at least 14 boys to push the 950-pound animal to the ground.

Regardless of your definition of Cow Tipping, this story is not about that at all, and I will make my apologies now for any implications that my character resembled a cow.

No, our character looked like a chicken. A Jersey Giant chicken to be exact.

When my wife, Cheryl was 4 years old, her real mother was abusive which caused scars into Cheryl’s adult years. To escape her mother’s wrath, she would leave the little Grant Street house to look for other kids in the neighborhood to play with. It was on one of those explorations that she found the home of Edith and Darcy.

Both Edith and Darcy were in their late 60s. They were childless. When Cheryl walked into their yard for the first time, Edith realized that this could be a child she could invest her knowledge in. It was well known in the neighborhood of the abusive homelife from her mother that Cheryl lived with, and Edith knew that she had many skills that she could pass on to the child. Any time Cheryl was left home alone, she would walk up the street to the open door at Edith’s house.

During the next 7 years, Cheryl was taught skills in the kitchen; the use of a sewing machine; how to work in the garden, and in the evenings when they sat in front of the TV with Darcy watching Gunsmoke, Bonanza, and Paladin, she was taught to knit and crochet. Edith made sure that Cheryl had a safe and loving environment to be in and always lent an ear to the young girl’s questions.

Darcy was a quiet man who kept to himself. He was losing his hearing, his hair, and if he had forgotten to put on his spectacles, he was extremely nearsighted.

Edith, Cheryl recalled, was not what you would call attractive. As she described her, Edith was built like a Jersey Giant hen. She had skinny chicken legs supporting an enormous body with a little head on top. Because of the enormous body balancing on top of the spindly little legs, Edith was known to topple over easily and required help to stand again.

Now, not only did Edith teach Cheryl skills around the house, she and Darcy also took her on field trips. One such trip was up to Mount Baker to pick blueberries for muffins which they would make together later. Another trip was to the Nooksack River to watch Darcy catch salmon.

The Fishing Trip

It was a frosty but sunny fall morning. King Salmon were running up the river. Darcy threw his hip waders, pole, tackle box, and net in the bed of his old Dodge pickup. Cheryl had come to the house dressed by her dad in pants, rubber boots, a heavy snow coat, mittens, and a stocking hat that Edith had helped her knit.

Edith had packed a picnic lunch including a thermos of coffee for Darcy and a thermos of cocoa for the ladies. She herself wore a pair of black rubber boots with fur around the top. Around her legs, she wore long underwear and over the top, a pair of black, stretchy snow pants. Though she did not have a snow jacket, she did have an actual bear skin coat with the fur included. This hung down to her knees keeping her toasty warm. On top of her head, she wore a Russian fur hat. The outfit in its entirety gave her the appearance of a Jersey Giant chicken.

The three climbed into the cab of the old Dodge and since this was long before the I-5 freeway was completed, they drove old Highway 99 north to the town of Ferndale and parked at a dairy farm next to the river. The river at this spot had an exposed riverbank from which Darcy planned to fish.

“I’m going to leave my spectacles in the truck,” he said. “Just so I don’t lose them if I fall in the river. See you down there.”

Grabbing his gear from the back of the truck, he headed to the river.

Now, this favorite fishing spot of his was not easy to get to. First, he had to open a wooden gate to enter the loafing shed area which was covered in mud and manure. Then he had to walk out across the open field which was covered with about 20 cows, all lying on their sides, dozing in the morning sun.

Edith, now more unstable than ever because of the tight pants on her legs and the heavy coat on her shoulders, gave Cheryl the picnic basket to carry.

Entering through the first gate, they slid precariously on the loafing shed mud and manure. Cheryl said she could hear the nervous Edith making noises like, “woop, woopsy,” but they both made it. It wasn’t until they started across the field of sleeping cows, complete with cow-pies and molehills, that top-heavy Edith began to teeter. With all the grace of a cow being tipped, she went over. And Edith, trapped by her weight, and the weight of her clothing, could not get up.

“Cheryl, you have to go get Darcy for me. Tell him he must help me up!”

Cheryl ran with the picnic basket to the river to retrieve Dorcy who had already waded into the water.

“Mr. Darcy, Mr. Darcy, Edith fell over in the cow field and she can’t get up,” she yelled.

Darcy came out of the river, dropped his gear on the beach and climbed up the bank in his hip waders. He stood and stared out across the field, but because he left his spectacles in the truck and was so nearsighted, all he saw were large blobs lying in the field grass.

“Well which one is she?” he asked.

Because Edith was wrapped up in the bear skin coat and was on her side like the cows, the little girl said, “I don’t know.”

Edith, hearing voices, yelled, “Hello, hello” which to the cows sounded like, “Moo, moo,” so they all started answering back.

Poor old blind Darcy had to go through all 20 cows before he found Edith.

Epilogue

Edith would go on to mentor and love Cheryl like the little girl she never had, for another 7 years. She passed away when Cheryl was 11 years old.

Her real mom left the family, but a new mom came into the family who would love and guide Cheryl through her teens.

In 2009, five members of an Australian rugby team tried to cow-tip a Rodeo bull named Lightning which they mistakenly thought was sleeping while standing up. Needless to say, Lightning made scrum pudding out of the ruggers. Proof of an actual cow tipping has yet to be authenticated.

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