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Satire Stories

Fernando’s Serenade

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

In a small cabin at the Fisherman’s Cove Resort on Curlew Lake, eight men prepared for a week of deer hunting on Vulcan Mountain. This was the opening weekend.  This was the final weekend of the World Series and this was the year we witnessed “The Phantom.”

Categories
Satire Stories

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

“I once sucked down a whole can of sardines — heads, guts and all, while only taking one breath.”

“Ok,’ I said. ‘You’re a liar.”

My friend Rex removed a can of sardines from his backpack, peeled back the lid, took one deep breath, and proceeded to slurp down the whole can — head, guts, and all.

Categories
Satire Stories

Running With The Stallions

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

The slush pump, or more commonly known as the slide trombone. The instrument which has mystified children since the day it was created — “Mommy, where does that tube go when he slides it back and forth. Into his mouth?”

The instrument which mystified me for over 50 years — “Cripes, where do I position the slide so I don’t make the sound of a bellowing cow?”

Categories
Satire Stories

Hunting With Sturgis

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

It started as any of our other hunting trips — with high hopes and low expectations.  Sturgis Fenton and I were going to spend three days hunting the hills of northeast Washington.

Categories
Satire Stories

Elwood  Wayson and the Mysteries in the Black Lagoon

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

It was not unusual for mysterious events to take place around the Mitchell neighborhood in the 1970s. It appeared, to the untrained eye, to be just another group of normal homes with average families, but this was far from the case.

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Satire Stories

Qwerty and the Home Row

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

Poof! A chalk eraser ricocheted off the top of my head. Chalk dust settled in a cloud around my desk.

“I told you, Mitchell!  I told the class that if I caught anyone looking at their keyboard, I would wing an eraser at them. There you were staring at your fingers.”

The rest of the class, afraid to look up from the test cards in front of them, nevertheless, giggled. It was after all, a timed typing test so every word counted.

Categories
Satire Stories

Sex Ed.

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

It was a time in life that every boy either looked forward to or shuddered to think he must be a part of. It was a freshman class in high school that every boy had to participate in to graduate. It was a required class, and girls were not allowed. They called it Boys’ Health and, Sex Ed.

Categories
Satire Stories

Two Speeches That Were Never Given

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

“Just another ripple on my lake of irritation,” I can almost hear custodian Luke muttering this as he hiked up the stairs to the third floor at Bellingham High School. For some reason the drinking fountain was plugged.

Categories
Satire Stories

When Santa Refused To Fly

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

Ho, Ho, No! You ain’t getting me into that thing! And with that, Santa left his sleigh and drove off in his car.

Dad and I stared at each other. “Huh,” he said. “I guess we go with plan B.”

It was the yearly tradition of The Santa flights.

Categories
Satire Stories

Catch-22

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

My best friend, Chuck, was sitting across from me in a booth at Bunks Drive-in. It was late in the afternoon and the sun was setting. A blonde woman’s wig lay in the center of the table between our two Cokes.

Categories
Inspirational Stories

The Store Next Door

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

Once upon a time, before freeways, and Safeways. Before Thriftways and Haggens, Fred Meyers and Walmarts, when boys wore Brylcreem and girls wore skirts with Bobby socks and saddle shoes, there were neighborhood grocery stores.

Categories
Inspirational Stories

The Jim Creek Miracle

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

Not all stories are embellished for a laugh. Some are 100 percent true.

When I think of a US Naval station or base, I think of battleships, destroyers and aircraft carriers moored on long piers. Jeeps shuttle sailors up and down streets lined with large warehouses filled with supplies while tugs escort submarines into the harbor. The Jim Creek Naval Radio Station shattered that stereotype.

Categories
Inspirational Stories

Miracle On The Nooksack River

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for God is with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

Summertime on the Nooksack River, sitting in an inner tube, floating mile after mile in the warmth of the sun. On any hot weekend in July and August the river is spotted with hundreds of floaters drifting as singles or bunched together in groups. When you are young and haven’t many responsibilities, the river is the place to go.

Categories
Satire Stories

The Curious Case of the Crossbones Treasure

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

A peanut sat on a railroad track; its heart was all aflutter. Along came a choo-choo train, choo-choo, peanut butter.

Categories
Satire Stories

Band Geeks

Audio Version by ElevenLabs.io.

I really hate to use the term “band geek” but I guess that is exactly what I was. I think the term was conceived by the football players who hung out in the jock hall at high school. They had nothing better to do than to whistle at the girls and polish the pins on their Letterman jackets. They would huddle in groups like a band of jackals and label students as they walked by: