I was lamenting to my wife Cheryl a few years back about being out of shape and how the young muscular guys at work were giving me a complex. She was quick to remind me that the best I could hope for was a simplex. Then she suggested that we take the grandkids on a hike in the mountains.
This seemed like something I could do. After all, I am a Silver Palm Eagle Scout. Naturally the kids who worship my every step and marvel at my wit and talent would be amazed at my leadership on a hike and honored to follow in my footsteps. I therefore began to gather all the necessary equipment for a day hike into the hills: 44 magnum revolver in case of a bear attack, ammo belt with 20 shells (in case the bear is more aggressive and wants a prolonged firefight), fishing pole, tackle box, camera, cell phone, walking sticks, backpack with 80 pounds of snacks, Swiss Army Knife (in case I need to MacGyver a shelter or build a bridge), and toilet paper. After I had Cheryl all set up, I wondered what I could carry.
After picking up the grandkids, a seven year old girl and five year old boy, we headed off to the foothills to find Canyon Lake, a small Alpine lake in Whatcom County. Naturally when we got to the logging road which leads to the lake the gate was locked which meant we parked and started a three mile hike up the gravel road.
Almost immediately I was forced to teach my first wilderness skill which I like to refer to as Mossy Bottom or how to sit over a fallen tree to go to the bathroom. This is also referred to as pine needle pants. All went well with no one toppling over backwards. About halfway to the lake up the steep winding road the grandkids and Cheryl all swore they heard the heavy huff of a bear coming from behind them. I had to apologize and promise I’d muffle my wheezing.
Canyon Lake is not more than ten acres in size and it had been planted with trout in past years. In theory, with the difficulty to get to the lake, there should be some fat rainbows swimming in the depths. What makes it interesting is that due to years of logging, trees are floating in much of the lake.
Wilderness skill #2: how to fish for lunker’s. This would surely impress the kids as I got my pole ready. In the two pockets of my shirt I had my cell phone and my camera. Around my waist there was about 5 pounds of 44 magnum revolver and ammo. Five to eight logs lay from shore out into the lake.
“Pay special attention to my technique for casting and drawing in a big fish,” I told the kids. “You may find this useful someday.” I walked out into the lake on two of the logs, cast the first lure deep into the center of the lake and turned back to the kids to see their looks of admiration. Before I could turn back, I noticed my feet were feeling wet. Looking down I was horrified to see that the logs I was standing on were sinking at a very alarming rate. I could almost hear the warning alarm on a submarine and the Captain yelling, “Dive, dive!” My one last hope was a third floating log which was four feet away and I dove with my upper body to grab on to that log for a floating device only to find that it was also waterlogged and was heading to the bottom. The last thing I remember seeing as the water touched my nose was the shocked look on the kid’s faces and Cheryl frantically trying to cover their ears.
It is amazing just how fast 5 pounds of gun will take you to the bottom of the lake, but it also came in handy giving me traction walking up the lake bottom to the shore. Cheryl said that all she could see was a trail of bubbles and a hat gliding on the surface and when I did breach, the poor grandson didn’t know if he should be afraid or laugh. Cheryl said he could laugh.
Surprisingly the gun and my phone survived the submersion. My camera and my ego did not. On the three mile walk back to the car the kids got to experience for the first time the very thing that a great outdoorsman like myself long remembers: the smell of the woods, the sun on the trees, the chattering of an old man’s teeth and squish of water in his shoes.
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4 replies on “Leader of the Pack”
Oh Marty- you never cease to brighten my day (or night) . We all need more laughter. Thank you for keeping me LoL…. Penny
Oh, it brings back memories.
I was trying mossy bottom one day on a long backpack journey when I was still young enough to be ambulatory; and, after walking away from the log over which I had just communed with nature, I turned to look back. The site of the dirty deed was now about a hundred feet away, and a yearling bear leaped over the log right where I had joined nature. Had he come along his trail and leaped over the log while I was sitting there, I’m sure they laxative effect would have been profound.
Being near of sight, he stood up to look at me, so I stood as tall and broad as I could and told him to get on his way. I’m not sure if it was my strong presence or my strong essence around the latrine that made him decide to move on, but he did settle down and ambled off in the other direction.
But did you get the fish? Probably caught it in your teeth as it came up close to see what kind of peculiar hatfish had just entered the water.
Marty, writing these stories are truly your calling! I look forward to every Saturday to see what adventure you’re going to share! ❤️