Moses – Abridged

My young granddaughter Kate and I were sitting together on the living room couch before her bedtime.

“Ok, since you want to know, I’ll give you my abridged version of the story of Moses,” I started. “You see, if Moses had abridge then the Hebrews wouldn’t have had to walk “through” the Red Sea. This is off the top of my head so I may leave out some important facts.”

“There is nothing on the top of your head Papa. You are bald,” she was kind enough to point out.

Shaking my fist menacingly with my best Moe Howard impersonation I threatened, “Why, I ought to.”

“Now Moses was a Hebrew who was born in the land of Egypt. The Pharaoh of Egypt thought the Hebrews living in his land were a threat, so he ordered all newborn Hebrew males be killed as soon as they were born. When Moses was born, his mother hid him at home for three months but in the fourth month she took him to the Nile River and hid him in a floating basket. There he was found by Pharaoh’s daughter who took him home to the palace to be raised as her son.”

“When Moses had grown, he killed an Egyptian man and fled to a distant land to escape punishment in Egypt for murder. It was in Midian that he married a girl named Zipporah and became a tender of sheep.”

“Ok, let’s sum it up so far. A Hebrew grows up in Pharoah’s house in Egypt only to murder an Egyptian and now he’s on the run living as a shepherd in Midian.”

“So, Moses is out tending the sheep at a mountain called Horeb where he sees a bush which is on fire but is not burning.”

“What strange goings on is this?” he thought, and he edged close to the bush to investigate.

“Don’t come any closer unless you kick off your sandals,” a voice from the bush said. “This is holy ground. I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”

“Moses looked all around, stared at the ground he was standing on and into the flaming bush. A smile formed on his face.”

“Am I being punked?” he laughed. “Am I on Candid Camera?”

“Grandpa!” Kate moaned.

“On your knees Moses!” God shouted. I have seen the misery of my Hebrew people in Egypt. I am sending you back to Egypt to set my people free. You are to tell Pharoah to release the Hebrew slaves and if he doesn’t, I will bring great catastrophe upon his land.”

“Wait . . . what?” Moses asked. “First of all, I can’t go back to Egypt because Pharoah wants me dead. I murdered a man. And who am I that I should bring the Israelites out of Egypt. I have no credibility with them. They don’t even know your name.”

“I am who I am. Tell them, I Am has sent me to you.”

“What? And if they don’t believe me?”

“I have three pretty cool miracles you can show them.”

“Look, I really appreciate the offer and how much you believe in my abilities but really, I am happy just watching these sheep and going home each evening to my wife Zipporah and my son Gershom and my warm bowl of steaming mutton. Besides, I have never been what you would call eloquent. I am slow of speech and tongue. I stutter badly especially when I’m around the Pharaoh. The guy is intimidating. Pick someone else. I don’t have what it takes.”

“Wait . . . what? Who gives man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or dumb? Who gives him sight or blinds his eyes. Is it not I, the Lord your God? I will help you speak and tell you what to say and . . . oh forget it. Where is your brother Aaron? He can do the talking.”

“Moses went out and he built the ark, and the animals came on two by two.”

Wait . . . what? Kate asked with a scowl.

“Ah, good. I threw you a curve ball to see if you were listening. That’s another story.”

“So, Moses and Aaron did go to Pharaoh, and Aaron did the talking. He said, ‘The Lord God of Israel, the God of the Hebrew slaves who do your labor, demands that you let his people go. If you refuse, he will send ten plagues in succession which will utterly decimate your land.’ “

“To which, Pharaoh, who knew nothing of the Hebrew’s God said, ‘Wait . . . what?’ “

“Needless to say, he threw them out of the palace. God, in turn, blasted Egypt with the ten blockbuster plagues. Pharaoh, after the tenth plague, asked the Hebrews to please leave but as the fleeing Israelites were vanishing in the distance, he sent his Army to bring them back. God went before the Hebrews as a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night to lead them through the desert.”

“Yet, the ten plagues and the day and night pillars were not enough evidence to Pharaoh or the fleeing Hebrews that God was real and meant business. He therefore saved a showstopper of a miracle for last.”

“The fleeing Jews made it to the shore of the Red Sea where they could go no further, and the Egyptian army was gaining on them and were just over the horizon. The army had 600+ chariots and hundreds of horsemen. They did however forget to bring outhouses.

“Grandpa!”

“The terrified Hebrews turned to Moses and screamed, ‘Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!'”

“But Moses said, ‘Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.'”

“And the Hebrews stopped him by saying, ‘Wait . . . what? Stand firm?'”

“And Moses said to them, ‘The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.’”

“To which God said, ‘Wait . . . what? Why are you crying out to me?'”

“Tell the Israelites to move on. Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them.”

“To which Moses said, ‘Okay, so let me get this straight.'”

“Just do it!” shouted the Lord. “The Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.”

“So, Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.”

“How could he hold his hands up all night?” Kate asked.

“He was taking Zumba classes.”

“He was not, Grandpa!”

“The Egyptians pursued them, and all Pharaoh’s horses and chariots and horsemen followed them into the sea. During the last watch of the night the Lord looked down from the pillar of fire and cloud at the Egyptian army and threw it into confusion. He jammed the wheels of their chariots so that they had difficulty driving. And the Egyptians said, ‘Let’s get away from the Israelites! The Lord is fighting for them against Egypt.’”

“Then the Lord said to Moses, ‘Stretch out your hand over the sea so that the waters may flow back over the Egyptians and their chariots and horsemen.’ Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and at daybreak the sea went back to its place. The Egyptians were fleeing toward it, and the Lord swept them into the sea. The water flowed back and covered the chariots and horsemen—the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed the Israelites into the sea. Not one of them survived.”

“That day the Lord saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore. And when the Israelites saw the mighty hand of the Lord displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant.”

“After they were free of the Egyptians, Moses and the Jewish people wandered in the desert and when they grumbled because they had nothing to eat, God sent them quail to eat in the evening and Manna to eat in the morning.”

“What’s Manna?”

“It was like bread that fell from the sky.”

“Why did they call it Manna?”

“It means, What is it? They ate it every morning for 40 years. After a while they called it a word which meant something totally different, and I’m not allowed to say.”

“Grampa, I will verify that with Grandma.”

“Well, to make a long story short, they grumbled about not having water, so Moses took his staff and whacked a rock and water came out.”

“Wait . . . what?

“Don’t ask me how it works!”

“Later, Moses climbed to the top of Mount Sinai and God gave him two tablets with ten Commandments written on them. But Moses busted them when he came off the mountain and found the people sinning by worshiping a golden calf. So, God made him two more.”

“Then the people again complained about not having enough water so God told Moses to talk to the rock and water would come from it. Instead, Moses struck the rock twice with his staff and although water came out, this angered God, and he barred them from entering the land he promised to them. So, all that generation died in the desert. The end.”

“Wait . . . what? That’s a terrible ending Grandpa. God led the Hebrews out of Egypt to only let them die in the desert?”

“He’s only got so much patience, you know. I didn’t write the story; I’m just telling it. But this makes me think of a few Commandments of my own. Let’s see, Number 1: Thou shalt always bring a package of cookies when you come to my house. Number 2:”

“Good night, Grandpa. Grandma’s stories never make my head hurt.”

** All Scripture was taken from the NIV Bible.

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